Waiting on you Lord
At the end of January 2011, we will be 3 years post accident. What a overwhelming thought, at times, when we FEEL still so off our game. We have literally come from the grave back to life, and God performed so many miracles that even last week our main trauma doctor was again giving God the glory and calling Amanda a walking miracle.
Some much has been accomplished but yet there are still life issues to deal with...physical, emotional, and finanical. While my daughter was still in the hospital my husband was laid off his job. Not knowing what her medical condition was going to be we had no choice but to pay an outrageous monthly premium for health insurance. We were already drowning in medical bills, not to mention the daily cost of me living at the hospital. Then there are all the small expenses...I remember when she was moved to rehab and she needed clothes. Nothing she had fit because now she had an open-book pelvic fracture and a catherur that made moving difficult. She was non-weight bearing so her shirt and pants had to be easy to get on and off. I have a clear memory of not having a penny in the checkbook, no savings to draw from, bills at the house waiting on us, but having to purchase these things for her. Then within a couple of weeks we had to go again and spent a couple hundred on shoes. Amanda was trying to walk and it seemed like one of the most important issues then was shoes. My husband is back at work but making considerably less than he has made in the past and it just takes a long time to get back in the black.
There are emotional issues that have seemed to show up in the past 6-8 months. The better Amanda gets the more traumatic stress we seem to have. When she was down and unable to do much it seemed like we had control. Now that she is better, she is driving more, going out some, looking for a job...all that is great and what we prayed for but you have to fight the fear day in and day out. It is a constant battle with Satan and reminding yourself that God is in control and watching over all of us. We also know now that God will give us the strength to handle what comes our way but there is still that human emotion after going through something like this. She also had some post traumatic stress set in and that was had to watch especially after all she has been through. It is also a hard adjustment to move past the accident....it has been the focus for us for so long and just live. It is hard to go a whole week just feeling light-hearted and carefree. We are trying but even that wears you down.
Of course there are physical issues. Amanda does have some back pain and when her back hurts she has to take some pretty heavy medication. She also has trouble with her walk because of the open-book pelvic fracture. That causes physical problems for her too. She is trying to get some weight off so that she can strengthen the muscles around her back but because she doesn't have ab muscles she has to be careful.
I said ALL that to say THIS....day by day we are waiting on the Lord. We are waiting on the Lord to free us emotionally, bring us the provisions we need and continue to heal Amanda physically. We are waiting hopefully and peacefully. I know that the Lord sees our circumstances and is fully aware of where we are financially, emotionally, and physically. No matter how hard it seems, at times, I know my Father wants us to move ahead in life boldly and confidently, taking every step forward with Him obediently. And everyday, while I wait for his timing, I will serve my Master with a grateful heart, I will worship my Creator with awe and thanksgiving, and I will love my Lord with all that is in me....while I wait!
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart". Psalms 27:14
"Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and He shall exalt you to inherit the land". Psalm 37:34
Some much has been accomplished but yet there are still life issues to deal with...physical, emotional, and finanical. While my daughter was still in the hospital my husband was laid off his job. Not knowing what her medical condition was going to be we had no choice but to pay an outrageous monthly premium for health insurance. We were already drowning in medical bills, not to mention the daily cost of me living at the hospital. Then there are all the small expenses...I remember when she was moved to rehab and she needed clothes. Nothing she had fit because now she had an open-book pelvic fracture and a catherur that made moving difficult. She was non-weight bearing so her shirt and pants had to be easy to get on and off. I have a clear memory of not having a penny in the checkbook, no savings to draw from, bills at the house waiting on us, but having to purchase these things for her. Then within a couple of weeks we had to go again and spent a couple hundred on shoes. Amanda was trying to walk and it seemed like one of the most important issues then was shoes. My husband is back at work but making considerably less than he has made in the past and it just takes a long time to get back in the black.
There are emotional issues that have seemed to show up in the past 6-8 months. The better Amanda gets the more traumatic stress we seem to have. When she was down and unable to do much it seemed like we had control. Now that she is better, she is driving more, going out some, looking for a job...all that is great and what we prayed for but you have to fight the fear day in and day out. It is a constant battle with Satan and reminding yourself that God is in control and watching over all of us. We also know now that God will give us the strength to handle what comes our way but there is still that human emotion after going through something like this. She also had some post traumatic stress set in and that was had to watch especially after all she has been through. It is also a hard adjustment to move past the accident....it has been the focus for us for so long and just live. It is hard to go a whole week just feeling light-hearted and carefree. We are trying but even that wears you down.
Of course there are physical issues. Amanda does have some back pain and when her back hurts she has to take some pretty heavy medication. She also has trouble with her walk because of the open-book pelvic fracture. That causes physical problems for her too. She is trying to get some weight off so that she can strengthen the muscles around her back but because she doesn't have ab muscles she has to be careful.
I said ALL that to say THIS....day by day we are waiting on the Lord. We are waiting on the Lord to free us emotionally, bring us the provisions we need and continue to heal Amanda physically. We are waiting hopefully and peacefully. I know that the Lord sees our circumstances and is fully aware of where we are financially, emotionally, and physically. No matter how hard it seems, at times, I know my Father wants us to move ahead in life boldly and confidently, taking every step forward with Him obediently. And everyday, while I wait for his timing, I will serve my Master with a grateful heart, I will worship my Creator with awe and thanksgiving, and I will love my Lord with all that is in me....while I wait!
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart". Psalms 27:14
"Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and He shall exalt you to inherit the land". Psalm 37:34
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